Finding The Opposite of Lonely

Recently, I cut myself off from everything. I deleted all social media apps from my phone, I removed myself from group chats, I turned off the televisions and computers. I didn’t know what I was searching for, but I knew I needed to find it. The reason I decided to take such drastic measures was a result of several circumstantial factors:

At the beginning of 2017, I was in a great place. I had gone almost 18 months without relapsing into self-harm and even though my depression had been kicking my ass, I had done a good job of coping with it. And then, life started piling on. My grandfather was hospitalized, my Uncle Julian died, and I felt like the world was slipping through my fingertips. By the time my birthday came around in March, I felt drained. School combined with work and family stress had me spiraling out of control of my mental health. I knew in my mind that I needed to seek help before I reverted to bad habits, but I stayed the course. I was sure I’d beat it.

And on April 8th, my world got hit by an 18-wheeler. 5 days later, I sat in an ICU room on the 6th floor of the hospital and held my grandfather’s hands while his chest stopped moving. And then his heart monitor flat-lined. And then my brother fell to the floor beside his bed. I felt like that hospital could fall to the ground and I’d still be standing there, tears falling down like bombs on the hospital floor.

I felt like I’d been dragged by a riptide and pummeled by waves until I could no longer breathe. I was gasping for air and struggling to breathe, and I was sure that someone would notice that I was screaming for help– but nobody came. They offered the typical “I’m sorry Meg”, but when I was sobbing myself to sleep, when I was crying at work or at school, there was nobody there. I felt like I was utterly and completely alone. No, alone is not the word I would use to describe how I felt. I felt destitute, as if I could walk out of my life without saying goodbye and nobody would even notice my absence.

After my grandfather’s death I struggled to carry on with my everyday life. Had anyone else experienced it, it may not have been as crippling. Grandfathers die all the time. But for me, it was the toothpaste-flavored icing on a cake made of horseshit. I waited for my friends to offer to help me get my mind off things, but one week passed, then two, then three, and I realized it wasn’t going to happen. It was then I began to understand you can’t rely on other people to grieve for you. By this point I was 2 weeks away from final exams, and I understood that I had been coping with my grief by throwing myself into schoolwork. The work I did was subpar at best, one of the many results of attempting to properly grieve while also being in college, where they take breaks for nothing.

I don’t have many close friends, and there are probably 3 people that I can really open up to emotionally. I tried to open up to one of those people after my grandfather’s death, but I always felt that she was more concerned with her other priorities and that I wasn’t at the top of her list of concerns. So, I did what any sane person would do– I bottled up my emotions and feelings and began to write about how I felt. I noticed my writing gradually getting more and more morbid, and I knew that if I didn’t confront the issue of death, it’d soon manifest itself in ways more malignant than depressing diary entries.

My person moved on to comfort one of her best friends who was dealing with a tragic loss herself, and I began to berate and minimize my own pain in an attempt to allow them room to grieve. I told myself there was only room for so many grieving people in the world, and since their loss was more tragic than mine, I needn’t try to “out-grieve” them. And so, more bottling and more suppression.

The day I decided to cut myself off from everyone, I was very scared. I’d thought for a while about deleting my social media, but I knew how integral it was in my life, and I knew that I’d be disconnecting myself from what some days might be the only intimate interaction I had with people. My depression manifests itself in many ways, some of which are my deep abandonment issues and my need for intimate interaction with other humans. And that’s not just a depression thing, it’s a human thing. Humans are social animals and we need to interact with other humans. My problem was that I was investing myself 100% into people who were giving me less than 1%, and I was angry that they weren’t as invested in me as I was in them.

Regardless, I held down the Facebook app until it began to shake, and I proceeded to hit the ‘X’ button on every single social media app I had downloaded. I then removed myself from all of my group chats, and began to make a list of the things I wanted to accomplish on what I began to call my cleanse. I made this short list of goals:

1. Go 24 hours without checking any social media
2. Make a list of books to read over the summer
3. Find the opposite of lonely

How do you eat the elephant in the room? Piece by piece. I began to take a look at my life: why was I so lonely? I have one of the biggest families known to mankind, I’m surrounded by people for a majority of my day, so why did I constantly feel like I was walking alone? I realized it was because I was constantly comparing myself to others. My friends didn’t treat me the way my Snapchat friend’s friends treated them, and so my friendships sucked. My friends got to go out every single night with all their other friends while I stayed at home, so my life was boring. I was hyper aware of everyone else’s happiness and finding my definition of happy inside other people’s lives.

I shifted my thinking from “Would this look good on [insert social media platform]?” to “Does this make me feel happy?”. If the answer was yes, then I was happy. What made me happy was not what made other people happy, and I did not need to document what made me happy because that was for me to decide and nobody else. I went to get frozen yogurt because I liked the fruit popper things. I went to local museums and looked at exhibits because I was interested in them. I went to the library and smelled the books because it made me happy.

There were still times when I felt like loneliness was eating at me, specifically at night, when I was home in my room. It helped to not be able to look at Snapchat and see everyone with their friends, but I was still bothered. It was then that I would “take myself on a date”. I would paint my nails or turn on music and dance, and I imagined what it would be like if I were another person in a room with myself. Out of nowhere, I would burst out laughing, because I would have told a funny joke or I would have said something in a funny accent.

I learned that sometimes, the only person who will ever be there for you is yourself. Not even your family members will love and support you unconditionally. If the complexity of my own mind was too much for happiness, there was no way my happiness would stand a chance when faced with the complexity of the world. I taught myself to breathe when I want to die instead of feeding into those emotions. I taught myself that you can’t get to the top by flying there, sometimes you have to build yourself up piece by piece. And I taught myself that there is no opposite of lonely- there is only coping with lonely, living with lonely, being comfortable with lonely. If I wanted to cure my loneliness I had to learn to be comfortable with the one person who would never leave me alone… myself. 

Why Colin Kaepernick Has Every Right to Kneel

I’ve tried to hold my tongue on the National Anthem protests but honestly I think y’all have forgotten what country we live in. Let me remind you of the history of the good ole US of A. First we’ll start with the Constitution, something that’s super important to all you Second Amendment gun nuts when it comes to YOUR rights; Amendment I states: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances”.

That’s right, the Constitution allows not only for people to protest, but for them to protest their own government. The only types of speech/protest that are not protected by the First Amendment are: obscenity, defamatory language, and speech that incites violence. Let me also remind you that the reason the Puritans left England and traveled over to America was not merely to gain religious freedom, but to gain freedom from a country who was imposing its chosen religion on the entire country. So, when the Constitution was drafted, the founders made clear that the people have the right to protest their own government.

Now, there are some of y’all saying that these protestors have no right to protest. Well frankly, who are you to decide whether or not someone’s opinion is just? When the headlines read “unarmed man/woman/child killed by police officer” at LEAST once a week, there is plenty of room to be upset. When our country’s politicians are approving oil pipelines to be built through the Dakotas and not focusing on Flint, MI (where there is still a water crisis), there is plenty of room to be upset. When sexual assault is happening to 1 in every 6 women and nothing is being done about it, there is plenty of room to be upset. So please, for the love of God, get off your WASP-y high horse and start acknowledging that there are problems in America that might deserve a little protesting.

The next issue I’m going to address is the false belief that these protestors are somehow trying to ignite a race war in America. I saw this a lot immediately after Colin Kaepernick took a knee during the National Anthem. Let me make this clear: just because a black man stands up for something does not mean he’s immediately trying to start a race war. In fact, when interviewed Kaepernick made it clear that he was protesting injustice across all groups, not just injustice to blacks. Just like every other things that happens these days, the media and the political extremists have taken these protests and turned them into a divisive issue in our country. You can be a far-right conservative and still respect someone else’s decision to protest. You can be a white man and still respect someone else’s decision to protest. You can literally be anything in the world and still respect someone else’s decision to protest.

Before you get off calling me unpatriotic and anarchist and whatnot, you should know that both of my grandfathers were enlisted– one served in the Army for 4 years and one served in the Air Force for 20 years. I have a lot of respect for the military. But I also understand that the National Anthem does not dictate your patriotism. If you want my opinion, I think these protesters are actually exercising one of their most American rights. Patriotism is an emotional attachment to your country; it is not defined by any certain actions. So before you go and run your mouth about this situation, remember that just because someone exercises their rights differently than you do doesn’t lessen their right to do so.

Tarte Amazonian Clay Foundation DUPE?!

Y’all, two years ago I found the holy grail of foundations– the Tarte Amazonian Clay Foundation. Tarte is my all-time favorite makeup brand and this foundation has been my go-to since I discovered it.

I am now going to say something I never thought I would say: I HAVE FOUND A DRUGSTORE DUPE FOR THE TARTE FOUNDATION THAT MAY ACTUALLY BEAT TARTE.

Rimmel London is one of my favorite drugstore makeup brands, and I bought this foundation in a pinch the other week (I have bills, okay). Well, needless to say I’m in love. It’s not my Tarte foundation, but it comes pretty dang close to it.

For less than $5 a tube, it lasts a long time. The consistency is just like the Tarte foundation except a bit more mousse-y and less liquid-y. And the coverage… Y’ALL THE COVERAGE IS UNREAL. I’m a full-coverage kind of gal, and this foundation just blew my mind.

I was going to do a side-by-side with my Tarte and the Rimmel London but once I covered half my face with each product, I was in shock. The Stay Matte actually gave me more coverage than the Tarte!!! The only downside is the color selection, which is very limited. I’m pretty sure there aren’t any colors for those of you with darker skin tones/complexions, which is another rant for another day.

If you’re not someone who wants to spend $30 on foundation, I highly suggest the Rimmel London Stay Matte Foundation! It’s great for covering acne (I didn’t even need to conceal my blemishes) and it stays all day long! The consistency is super easy to blend and it’s overall an amazing product.

How to Love After Being Cheated On

I’d like to preface this post with two things:

1. I can’t believe I ended the title with a preposition, I am so sorry. There was no avoiding that one.
2. Despite the fact that I look like a gremlin, I have been in 2 ~serious~ relationships, both of which ended because my lovely boyfriend(s) cheated on me.

Being cheated on is probably one of the hardest things to deal with as a romantic being, unless we’re counting unrequited love– that always takes the cake. When your partner cheats on you, they’re not only lying to you, but they’re telling you that you aren’t good enough. It’s as if you put all this time and effort into loving someone just to have them give it all up for another person. I know, it sucks. It hurts. It hurts so bad that it’s easy for us to fall into a pattern of pushing all other future lovers out for fear that they might hurt us like we’ve been hurt before.

But there are several reasons why distancing yourself emotionally is the worst thing you can do, not only for yourself but for other people.

For starters, you’re perpetuating a culture in which our focus is geared towards the mistakes of the past, how we’ve been wronged, and how we’re all walking around with trust issues that would make Drake cringe. There was a study in 2012 that found millennials are the least trusting generation. And while there are some people who would argue that guarding your heart from hurt is a good thing, I would say that it’s part of what makes this generation so callous. It’s frowned upon to be emotionally invested in anything these days. In fact, women are empowered by the term “bad bitch”, which seems to be a bad acid trip away from the Super Woman concept.

There’s also the fact that, by emotionally checking out from future relationships, you’re almost definitely securing yourself a solo ticket to the deathbed, buddy. You’re punishing someone who wants to love you because someone else in your past couldn’t treat you right. Like, seriously. You are walking away from the person who could be your soulmate, all because you’re scared to take the chance of getting cheated on again. Is your idea of true love not so much grander than a heartbreak? I may be speaking for myself, but when I find my true love, I won’t remember the time of day, let alone how many guys cheated on me.

If you want any sort of happiness and closure in your love life, these are the steps you need to take. 

1. Stop Playing “The Victim”. I know, I’m giving you some tough love here. But, seriously, we all get it. You were wronged. I don’t mean that with any malice, I truly feel for the fact that you were hurt by this person in the past. Stop talking and thinking about a past that you can’t control. Instead, start thinking about what you can control– your life now. 
2. Forgive them on your own terms. Don’t feel pressured by anyone to forgive your ex in 4 weeks. Believe me, it’s really hard to cut someone out of your life and act as if they don’t exist. Come to peace with the fact that they cheated. Come to peace with the fact that they may have already moved on, and they may be happy now. I call this the “eh, whatever” phase, because when you’ve truly forgiven someone, their wrongdoings have no power over you anymore.
3. Stop hating them. Stop hating them. Stop hating them. Have you learned nothing, young grasshopper? Hatred does nothing but tear down your own emotional strength. Instead of wasting energy hating your ex, focus on you. The best revenge is success, and if you put half the energy into yourself that you put into shit-talking your ex on Twitter, you’d be halfway to a degree right now.

I want to end this post on a surprisingly religious note (I know, my regular readers are freaking out about me using religion as a “source”). God (or insert other creator here) gave us big hearts for a reason. I’ve watched over the years as my friends filled their hearts with resentment and hatred and greed and jealousy, but I can’t help but think that God intended for us to use those hearts to love one another. I’ve always thought that Jesus in the Bible was a cool dude, and he was a very loving, kind man; that’s why I try to love like Jesus. That means that even after people have wronged me, lied to me, cheated on me, called me unimaginable names, and tried to destroy me, I hold my bleeding hands out to them and offer them the last of myself. And guess what? I can’t say that I regret that at all. There have been times I hit myself in the head for allowing people to treat me badly, but I know I would rather be an over-emotional doormat than a heartless robot any day.

It’s hard to trust after being cheated on. It’s scary, and the chances are, you will get hurt again. But the worst that can happen is that you’ll end up with another life lesson from which you can gain an abundance of knowledge (I mean real knowledge, not that shit you learn from RomCom Movies).

Finding the Good in Goodbye

There’s never an easy way to say goodbye, whether it be on your own terms or on the world’s terms. And it wasn’t until I heard a quote during a graduation speech that I really started pondering what exactly is so good about a goodbye. The quote was from one of my favorite movies, The Shawshank Redemption: “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”

If no good thing ever dies, why are we forced to say goodbye to someone when they die?

I think the good in goodbye is found when we think of the hope and good that the person brought to the world, not what our world will be like without them. It’s so easy to think of the future without a certain person in our lives. They won’t be there to share those memories with us. But, to truly say goodbye to someone, we must force ourselves to remember what made us smile when we were with them.

The good in goodbye is found when we focus more on what made that person a good person and less on missing them. Because, when we remember someone’s life as being a good thing, they will never truly die. Yes, their bodies may have expired, their souls outgrew their physical vessels, but their ideas and their personalities will stay with us forever.

The good in goodbye is less about the finality of their leaving and more about what kind of impact they had on the lives of those around them.

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This piece was written in honor of the people who I have lost in my life. Granny, Uncle Phillip, Alex- you are all good things, and you are not dead. Physical death does not equate memorial death.

Hipster is Dead

Anyone who knows me knows that I abhor millennial “hipster” culture. And for many reasons. First, let’s define “hipster” as it pertains to modern-day. The movement is driven by flannel shirts, Ray Bans glasses, copious amounts of facial hair on men, and a general air of “I don’t care how I look” (even though they spent $200 on their outfit and an hour styling their hair). Many “hipsters” do not actually self-identify with the label, because labels are excruciatingly mainstream and hipsterism is focused around rejecting mainstream culture.

The majority of postmodern “hipsters” are rehashing a social movement about which they have minimal knowledge. Do you remember the hippies? Yes, the flower-crowns-and-world-peace folks. This is the apparent lineage of the postmodern “hipster” movement. However, it seems that those who endure the “hipster” culture today completely disregard the set of ideals held by their progenitors. A little history lesson:

The hippies came about in the 1960’s, surfacing across America on college campuses. The entire movement was fueled by retaliation to the “Joneses” ideal of American family-life and the common American conformity. To reiterate, the hippy movement was an anti-conformist movement. But, the hippies of the 1960’s and postmodern “hipsters” can trace their predecessors back even further than this.

The true origins of the “hipster” movement can be traced all the way back to the early-1940’s. A hipster was initially a young, middle-class white person who was seeking to imitate the lifestyle of vastly popular, black jazz musicians. After World War II, a “hipster” subculture came about, labeled the Beatniks. If this term is unfamiliar to you, think Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg.

The Beatniks were basically the small portion of the Beat generation that were displayed to the media from the mid-1950’s to the 1960’s. The Beat Generation earned its namesake from author and poet Jack Kerouac, who had labeled his generation as “beat” after the second World War.

So, the jazz age gave birth to the earliest “hipsters”, who, in turn, paved the way for the Beat generation, who, in turn, set the precedent for those beloved hippies of the 60’s. The ultimate thing to keep in mind is that each of these movements were counter-cultural, and their purpose was to break free from conformity and do their own thing. They’re driven by peace and liberty.

So, where did the postmodernists go wrong? By fulfilling the “hipster” stereotype? This second flaw in postmodern “hipster” culture could easily have been avoided had the movement’s proponents done some simple research into the cultural movements they were rekindling. The true “hipster” movement is, as previously stated, based on anti-conformity. And in a way, post-modern “hipsters” are being rebellious- to their parents or their families or the culture around them. However, by weaving this web of intricacies around what it does and does not mean to be a postmodern “hipster”, the movement has created within itself a breed of generally close-minded, yet ironically deceptive, clones. And if you don’t wear Doc Martins or like coffee or read Tolstoy in the 7th grade, you soooo are not a “hipster”.

Which brings me to my third problem with the postmodern “hipster” movement: the lack of ethnic diversity within this group of proclaimed forward-thinkers. While I genuinely do not think there is a significant racial bias to whether or not you’re accepted into “hipster” culture, it’s still noteworthy that a majority of the “hipsters” are white.

The proliferation of the “hipster” movement is more than likely fueled by the fact that it’s simply not cool to be a middle-class white kid anymore. So, to negate the chagrin of being uncool, you have flocks of middle-class white kids running up their debit cards at Starbucks and American Apparel. By separating themselves from the institutionalized world around them, postmodern “hipsters” earn a sense of individuality…which is ironic considering there are hundreds of thousands of other people doing the exact same thing.

The Gay Reality

In light of Ben Carson’s recent statements, I’ve seen many people posting on social medias how “relieved” they are that someone has finally spoken up about homosexuality being a choice.

Because every person has come to a crossroads in their life when they must choose which sex they prefer, right?

If you’re straight, sit there for a moment and think about the time in your life when you were forced to choose: men or women?

You didn’t. And if you don’t want to take my word for it,  take the words of neuroscientist Simon LeVay. He recently concluded a study on 409 sets of gay brothers, and what he found has been largely overlooked.

While the study brought forth no direct determinate of sexuality in humans, it did clearly link a man’s sexual orientation to two regions of the human genome, the X chromosome and chromosome 8. There is still much work to be done with the results of the study, but the information could play a pivotal role in how the world’s cultures react to homosexuality.

Believe it or not, there are parts of the world where being openly gay is a criminal activity. There are also religions that believe sexually-deviant people can be “treated” in order to become straight. And in America, there are still states who deny marriage equality to homosexual couples.

Now, marriage equality is something that baffles me, because it shouldn’t even be up for discussion. A little history lesson for the Christians arguing, “marriage is a religious institution! Leave it to the churches!”:

Hi, I’m speaking on behalf of the millions of people who were married in the thousands of years before Christianity came about- marriage isn’t yours to define. 

Christianity wasn’t founded until about 30 CE, so at the earlier part of the first century. Did everyone who married before this just sit around and wait for their local Christian church to approve their marriage? Hang on sweetie, we can’t get married, Father ____ hasn’t been born yet and won’t be a practicing Christian for another 200 years! Let’s get a coffee while we wait…

No, they didn’t. Because as much as people don’t want to hear it, the Bible is not the governing truth regarding marriage in a country that has practitioners of hundreds of religions. Christianity doesn’t get to define marriage in the U.S.

Sure, you can interpret how Christians define marriage. But, as a country whose Constitution states that the government will not establish or show favor to one religion, we cannot show favor to Christianity’s definition of marriage, nor can we allow our governing leaders to intertwine their personal religious beliefs with the well-being of citizens in a multireligious society.

What I mean by the latter part is: no matter how badly it infringes upon your personal religious beliefs to wed a gay couple or to allow gay couples to be wed, you (assuming you are a government official) should execute your position as a public serviceman and act for the commonwealth. It is illogical to run a country with a doctrine that promotes “no established religion” and a government that governs, for the majority of the time, based on Christian morals.

Some people will argue that asking government leaders to put aside their personal beliefs in order to allow marriage equality is like asking them to give up their own first amendment rights. However, it’s important to keep in mind that these officials are not stupid. When they ran for their office or were appointed, they knew exactly what they were getting into. They know the law, they make the law. Therefore, they understand that their reasons for opposing gay marriage are fundamentally and constitutionally wrong. Simply put: if you are not willing to put your beliefs aside for the benefit of your country, don’t put yourself in a position of “power”.

If it is so difficult for the leaders of the “free world” to accept that a man wants to marry another man, not enter into a “domestic partnership”, but marry a person of the same sex, then perhaps this world isn’t as “free” as we presume.

8 Struggles of Being a Liberal Teen in the Conservative South

I was born and raised down South, where we like our tea sweet and our politics Republican. I mean, my congressional district is led by Congressman Trey Gowdy…so… pretty conservative. However, I’ve developed an extremely liberal agenda compared to those surrounding me. If this sounds like your story, you’ll probably remember experiencing some of the following 8 struggles of being a liberal teen in the conservative South.

1. Your opinion is always wrong.
   But we won’t say that to you all the time. Mostly, we’ll call you a crazy radical who doesn’t have enough life experience to truly know anything about politics. Or we’ll say that your opinion is “different” while simultaneously alienating you from the rest of your town.
2. You can’t publish anything online containing your true opinion on issues lest your friendly neighborhood Conservative watchdog hail you under fire.
   My outlet of choice has, for years, been Facebook. And my oh my have I been subject to inquisitions on my Facebook page belittling and scrutinizing my entire life all because I posted an article supporting, oh, Obamacare or something.
3. Your family must refer to you with precautionary terms.
   For example, my parents almost always introduce me to their friends as “their liberal daughter”. Because, they must put that disclaimer out there to eradicate the chagrin of being associated with a liberal-minded person. Geez, don’t you know how hard it is to claim someone who does nothing but defy the traditional political agenda of everyone you’re trying to impress?
4. Speaking of family: they don’t like you very much.
   You can feel the tension at family dinners and get-togethers. Everyone slightly purses their lips when you’re in the room, conversation ebbs and flows between topics of mutual agreement, but the time spent is mostly uncomfortable and awkward. Some family members might even publicly humiliate or denounce you because you’re not exactly aligned with their belief system. ~oopsies!~
5. Your education is always ridiculed.
   Despite the fact that you are almost 18 years old and have completed more college classes than your college drop-out cousin has, you are younger and a liberal, so you are obviously not educated at all. You want to attend a liberal arts school? God, I bet you support pot-smoking and the gays. You must have failed every history course you took because America was founded on Christianity and Reagan!
6. It’s never about race.
   But, it is. You will not ever win this argument in the South. Ever. According to everyone around you, there is no race issue, we are all equal. No, don’t date that black man/woman. We don’t agree with that.
7. Feminism should never be discussed.
   See #1 on this list.
8. Also, don’t bring up rape or rape culture.
   If the woman was wearing more clothes, she wouldn’t have been raped. Haven’t you read the Bible, guys? Obviously every woman in the Bible who wore the proper clothing was never raped and the Bible is the final truth concerning everything in life, including our government.

These are a select few of the inexplicable things that I myself, and many others, have witnessed over the last 18 years. And to be clear: it sucks. I have often described how I hate living in my small, conservative town, which has gotten me nowhere but ostracized from the public’s good opinion. However, what keeps me going is the fact that I will not spend all of my days here. Perhaps one day, in the very distant future, I can return home and not be completely defamed and hated for being more of a liberal, but until that day, I find my safety in the niche of Internet blogging and college.

6 Ways to Move On

We’ve all tried the chocolate remedy, and I can personally attest that gaining 5 pounds is not a very gratifying way to say “screw you” to an ex. But what do you do when the past seems so close yet so far away? Here are 6 easy things you can do to help ease that heartbreak you’re feeling.

1. Ctrl+Alt+Del:
   You’ve got to let. it. go. You know what sucks? Deleting 4 months worth of “I love you”s and “Good morning baby girl”s from your phone. You know what else sucks? Deleting their number and cutting yourself off from them completely. The next day will last an eternity and that night, you’ll constantly check your phone to see if they’ve texted you, but it won’t be like that forever. They say it takes 21 days to break a habit, so give yourself at least 3 weeks to jump each time your phone pings. By the end of the month, you won’t even flinch when a week passes without them crossing your mind.
2. Do NOT put yourself in the friendzone:
   There is absolutely no good that can come from staying friends with them. Do you know what friends do? Share secrets, share life experiences, share new love interests. If you haven’t seen an episode of Gossip Girl, I suggest looking into the series and telling me how Chuck & Blair handle the “just friends” aspect of a breakup. Or, take it from me. I stayed “friends” with my ex-boyfriend only to end up crying myself to sleep a month later because he was using me as his in-between girl. If you’re already here, nip this in the bud ASAP. Tell them you need your space and that their friendship is not permitted in that space.
3. Write It Out:
   The best decision I ever made was journaling. I was heart-broken, philanthropic, and ready to be the next Carrie Bradshaw, so I bought myself a cute little journal and a nice gel-ink pen. Despite the fact that most of my entries are too angry to share with even Nora Helmer (read Ibsen’s A Dollhouse, act III… you’ll understand) they gave me a medium through which I could release exactly how I felt about my ex. Journaling eradicates the pressure of writing to please an audience, because the only audience is yourself.
4. Now, Shake it Off:
   Not literally (unless that’s how you dance). Put on your own playlist of empowering songs, such as T-Swift’s Shake it Off, and blast it. If you’ve got roommates, invite them to join or put your earphones in and spend an hour dancing in the mirror. There is no harm or judgement in shaking your endowed ass to some throwback Fergie, and the endorphins that result from exercising are going to make you happier. Plus, this is a great time to work on your moves for the next time you go out without anyone giving you weird looks.
5. Treat Yo’ Self:
   One of my very best friends lives by this mantra and I cannot emphasize the importance of its meaning. Girl, go buy yourself that MAC lipstick you’ve been pinning on Pinterest for a month now. There’s a garter belt set at Victoria’s Secret with your name on it. One of the most important parts of moving on from a past relationship is assuring yourself that you will be able to continue your life without your past significant other, so treating yourself to these little extras is exactly the reassurance you need (and deserve).
6. Post a Sexy Selfie:
   And wait for the likes to roll in. Whether we like to admit it or not, it feels good to see people reacting positively to our pictures. It signals to us that we’re doing something right, we’re freaking hot. So, truss up your hair, put on as much or as little makeup as is comfortable for you, and snap away. Try different angles, different filters, different rooms, etc. This is a time for you to experiment with all sorts of change, including your selfie routine.

Once you’ve tried these things, I can almost guarantee you’ll feel at least somewhat better about yourself after your breakup. However, I would like you to keep this in mind: this is not the end. I don’t care how old you are, there is always a future for you. If you’re still breathing, you’ve got a future and that future is what you make of it. It’s okay to cry from time to time, and it’s okay to miss what you had in the past, but remember that the past is the past. It’s impossible to embrace your future with two open arms when one of them is busy clutching a broken heart. ❤

50 Shades of Great

Prepare to get your panties in a wad… literally. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the infamous Christian Grey is starring in my first post, and he’s coming with a vengeance. 

Whether you like it or not, there is no disputing the publicity both good and bad- that the 50 Shades series has received. And, as a 17-year-old girl with nothing but time and love for literature on my hands, I fully admit to devouring the series. Therefore, I feel no shame in admitting that I do not understand the skewered atrocity the media has made this book out to be. 

Let’s completely disregard the content of the book for a moment. If you walk up to the majority of high school girls and ask them, “Hey, have you read 50 Shades of Grey?” they’ll either spurn you with their holy water or gush about how enthralling the book is. Regardless of the reaction, my point is that the series is controversial, the series is interesting, and the series has attracted more young adult readers than I’ve seen since Harry Potter or The Hunger Games.  I’m not sure where E.L. James enchanted us readers, but the book has undeniably fostered a love of reading in young adults especially. 

I can hear your scathing remarks now- 50 Shades is no where close to being an acceptable form of literature!! Okay, it’s not Austen or Dickens, but it is a book. A book that makes notable mention of some classic works of literature such as Thomas Hardy’s Tess of the D’Urbervilles. As an AP Literature student, reading Tess became so much more interesting to me when I began drawing connections between the characters of the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy and Hardy’s novel. And, I’m not the only one. Readers across the country have been motivated by the fact that they liked reading this book to go out and broaden their literary horizons. 

Another common argument against the book is that it teaches women to devalue themselves or that it promotes abusive relationships. Let me be clear when I say there is a distinct difference in an abusive relationship and a couple who practices a BDSM lifestyle in the bedroom. Whether you like to admit it or not, sex gets boring- especially in a relationship when it’s the same two people doing the same mechanic thing. There are some people who like role play situations. There are some people who have more uncouth tastes, (ahem, Humbert Humbert ring a bell to anyone?). It just so happens that there are people who like to spank and chain their partners to walls. Just because one person’s fetishes aren’t exactly aligned with yours does not mean they should be looked down upon. 

From what I read in the trilogy, the most abuse received by either party was emotional. That same emotional abuse has been replicated in every angsty teen relationship I’ve witnessed. There is no avoiding the heartbreaking trauma that comes with life, and for some reason people have decided that this book can not encase the troubles of life because the two main characters are consenting members of a BDSM-based relationship. I took a human sexuality class via an online college and something the professor said has stuck with me. He said, “Our society has come pretty far in terms of accepting sexuality. But we’ve still got a long way to go.” He is right. Stop fetish-shaming the books, y’all. Also, don’t knock it until you try it, (in whichever milder form may entice you). 

I have many more reasons to defend the series, one of them being that I abhor censorship in every form or fashion (seriously? Quit coddling the media and culture of our nation), but putting all of those in writing would result in my fingers bleeding. Nonetheless, the series is an obvious success from a writer’s stance. E.L. James set out to put her fantasies on paper, and she did so while also earning an extra couple million of dollars. Her work is controversial, it’s causing the people of our society to use their minds and actually come up with their own opinion of the work, not what their 60-year-old preacher told them in his sermon about sexual purity. I think that, along the line, these works will be up there with The Catcher in the Rye. But, who knows, I could be wrong. 

disclaimer: please do not respond with negative comments. should your opinion differ from mine, get over it and write your own blog post about it. i do not want to read your negations of my work nor do i have the time to filter through fallacious arguments from religiously bigoted morons who regurgitate what they read on their pastor’s Facebook.